shakes

at dinner my sister was going off about how im stupid for being weary of strangers. and how "stuff like that is never going to happen" because her friends live on dodgy roads and do things that could end badly all the time and it never does.

i couldnt eat. because all i could think was i should tell her and my dad. i knew i should. it was the moment. just get it out.

but i couldnt get the words out. i dont know what to do. i cant get it out. i cant say it to them .

i dont know how. i still have the shakes.


i have no faith in the kindness of strangers, because i have no faith in the kindness of people.

ive been googleing how to get over it and through it. and its showed me that every emotion and feeling ive been through is normal. but it didnt tell me how to beat it and get over it. and become myself again.

A.

when do i get my life back?

Please. someone tell me. when



A.

I.

i cant sleep.
i notice every time a guy touches me.
im so scared. all the time.
i feel vulnerable.
i feel dirty. i want new skin.
i have flash backs all the time. every night.
im scared of the dark.
i have nightmares.
i have no control. over my self or what happens to me.
some times i feel so depressed i dont know what to do with myself.
im so lonely.
and i hate myself for not being fixed yet.
but i still have no idea how to do that.
i dont want anyone new in my life because i wont be able to trust them.

i want to be looked after. every second of every day. by the people who should of done that. not the people who did. i am not there responsibility. i am the friends that have disappointed me responsibility.

i want someone to fix me. and make me ok again.

i want him to be punished, and never show his face again. because my punishment is a life sentence. and his is nothing.

i think people judge me, or think im exaggerating or lieing.

i dont have faith in anyone.

he has taken me. my happiness
and everything i ever trusted in and the things that meant most to me.

A.